|
This essay demonstrates adequate skill in responding to the task.
The writer takes a position (I feel that extending high school one more year is a bad idea for three reasons . . .) and offers some context for the discussion (Educators debate extending high school to five years due to the increasing demands on students for employers and colleges. Those for it say that it will give students more time to achieve what is expected, and those against it say that students would lost intrest and attendance will drop in year five). The essay also shows some recognition of complexity by acknowledging multiple perspectives and providing some response to counter-arguments to the writer's position (Of course there seems to be advantages and disadvantages to both, but lets be realistic, in America today, education isn't exactly our most relishing topic).
Development of ideas is adequate, with three ideas discussed and with some movement between general statements (extending high school an extra year just seems like a band aid for all the problems in the field of education) and specific examples and details (At a time where the illiteracy and dropout rate seems to be rising as much as gas prices these days, one more year isn't going to cut it). Focus on the specific issue in the prompt is maintained throughout the essay.
The organization of the essay is apparent but predictable, with obvious transitions (Firstly, Lastly, So in conclusion). There is some evidence of logical sequencing within the third paragraph (coming into senior year, you become a human form of a slug. . . . the intrest is gone after sophomore year. What makes you think that it will magically pop up after a addition of one more year? It will just be more time to be bored). The introduction and conclusion are both clear and somewhat developed.
The writer demonstrates adequate ability with language, using a variety of sentence types and some appropriate word choice (extending, social gathering, physically and mentally, illiteracy) as well as some inaccurate and distracting word choice (relishing, incubate). Other errors also distract the reader but do not impede understanding. |